And the Worry Remains...

Cranked through several thousand words on the new project, and lots of ideas on further stuff to do next.

Then my agent and I sat down and checked the contract out.

Some small issues with it had me sending it back with a respectful request for clarification and response. That was on Thursday. Now I worry that I might have spooked the commission off entirely. Of course, the weather there has been absolute shit, so there might be any number of reasons for a slowed response.

Still, the worry remains, like nerve-wracking worm digging in the rot...

Anyone who knows me has probably learned I like taking doors. No, I love to pound doors open like the herald of an avenging army. You never know what's behind the door, and I love that feeling of suspense: your watch-mates prepped behind you, waiting for you to crack the walnut and let them at the meat.

There is fear and anxiety in that, but it is a type of fear I find easy to deal with.

This is not the same. It's low-grade, syrupy, and gnarled. A constant background noise instead of a momentary thunder in the pulse. Not life-threatening, the outcome can improve my life and situation.

Failure means I must go through it again.

Success means I will have to go through similar experiences again, but I will have been through that door before...