What The Fuck?

So, those few of you that read me often have clearly been pining for more, as my email inbox is stuffed to overflowing with all the screaming and chest-beating missives begging me for  another of those posts that require mind-bleach to remove from consciousness.

Fuck you. This ain't one of those posts.

No, instead I think I will explain why I haven't been producing much of anything creatively. Quite simply: I have been down. Busy with day-jobbery, and down. I have not been writing with anywhere near the speed or frequency I maintain in better times.

Work is going well, for the most part. There are still a great number of people I feel should know better that make the same poor decisions on a daily basis, but that's just my foolish desire people be better. We have had some major adjustments in the court process, many of them requiring a lot of thought and energy to implement and monitor. I am glad of them, but there it is.

As many of you might know, I finished the re-write last year in October, it has gone nowhere, and been seen by no one. There are reasons justifying this, but they don't help me, they only show me how far I am from where I want to be, and lead me to feel somewhat hopeless.

I recently learned that the short story anthology I had a strong chance of being a part of is no more. Not that the work wasn't good enough, but that the house will not be doing the project at all. Disappointing, and not at all in the way I am accustomed to, making it harder to deal with.

So, the excuses have mounted in the last few months.Writing is not easy for me, and when any excuse rears its ugly head, it's sometimes far easier to bow to the excuse than carry on with a difficult passage.

I was finally able to overcome the excuses yesterday, and settle in to some more serious writing. I hope to continue. I need to continue. I also needed the break.

So, here's to getting some writing done.

When Being An Adult Can Really Suck

I get to see a lot of people behave badly. I see a few people behave well. I see most just trying to get through their day to day without doing themselves or any other harm.

Friction arises when someone's behavior is illustrated as sub-standard: When the children in the courtroom behave more appropriately than the adults. Like when the madman sits, sweat popping out on his forehead from his struggle to control himself and the supposed regular Jane sputters on about how persecuted she was when stopped because her registration was three months out of date...

Most everyone has their personal excuses for whatever it is they've done.

And, as Carlin said, "Your stuff is shit to everyone else."

It's hard, to be a true adult and own all of your shit. Many of us are knock-off Captain Queegs; screwing up, refusing to accept responsibilty, putting it off on our subordinates, and playing with our balls to render ourselves more comfortable with our shortcomings.

And yet we have, on the whole, less reason to act like that paragon of paranoia.

It is even harder to own the shit of our offspring. Being a parent and not making excuses for either our children or our parenting can be the moment when being an adult can truly suck. Many don't bother to even try. I do, but it's hard.

I fear our culture is predisposed to making an armada of little Queegs...