A teeth-sucking asshat this morning brings this rant to boil over onto the page. It seems a bit like I have already said much of it before, but my life is nothing if not repetitive, so you can bear with me:
Males, you need to take a moment, grab your fucking sacks, and take ownership of what you do. If you make a mistake (and I have made and will continue to make, my share) or fuck up, you need to own and learn from it, not try and find someone to lay your shit off on. You are not entitled to any sympathy, but if I see you struggling to own, rather than throw off, responsibility, I might throw you a bone. Others who think like I do might do the same. They are under no obligation to, but they might. Now, a litany of FUCK UP:
If you are a drinker, and you like to drive after a few pops, then when the universe comes knocking to collect that karmic debt you've managed to avoid until that moment, don't think you are entitled to get around it. No one, not one person, can say they didn't know it was illegal and just plain stupid to drive drunk. If you get busted, man the FUCK UP.
If you're the type of bastard likes to sock his lady friends about, when the cops come, break your door down and take their sweet time fighting your resisting ass into custody, don't think it is anything other than your actions that led to that moment and man the FUCK UP.
If you deal dope and one day you sell to the wrong motherfucker, winding up arrested and getting strip searched, quit your whining. You knew the risks when you decided to work the far side of what's legal. Man the FUCK UP.
If you happen to like to drive faster than the posted speed limit, you know you might get caught. When you do, don't try and lay it off on others, try and whine your way out. Man the FUCK UP.
If you make a mistake at work, don't try and cover that shit, man the FUCK UP.
If you cheat on your wife, your taxes, or anything else, you know you might get caught. When you do, man the FUCK UP and take what's coming to you.
Here endeth todays rant.
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Showing posts with label Dear Lord I Am Ready To Slap Some People More Senseless. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dear Lord I Am Ready To Slap Some People More Senseless. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Moronometer
GRIFFIN INDUSTRIES is once again ready to unveil another stupendous invention, this one for the workplace:
The MORONOMETER measures the atmospheric changes in the amount of moronions in the immediate vicinity, rising as the stupid increases. Several alerts are available, ranging from the English as second language MacDonalds employee calling out that dinner is served to the shrieking of a porn star having their orifices delved into quite deeply.
The alert will sound when pre-set limits are exceeded in the hope of attracting the moron to the device and away from those who have work to do. It is therefore suggested that the Moronometer be placed away from the actual location where work is being done. Perhaps the hall, or even the middle of traffic.
Now, a word about tolerance levels: Each Moronometer has five independent levels that may be arbitrarily set by day, or if the owner prefers, even the hour, but only by such individuals previously cleared of moronitude. Each of these independent levels is fully adjustable and has up to ten settings, so each approved user can label and set their own tolerance level for moronic and sub-moronic behavior. These levels are clearly visible to those who deign to look at the device, in order that those intelligent enough to actually read the current atmospheric levels and related tolerance levels will have a chance to avoid pushing beyond into the realm of the drooling moron, and destroying everyone's chance at a moron-free day.
The deluxe version also comes equipped with a cattle-prod-grade shocking device to prevent tampering by morons who believe they can change things.
The Super-Deluxe Moronometer will taze anyone who, by their mere presence, increases the moronion level beyond the factory-set maximum level considered survivable by sensible people.
The Basic Moronometer will be offered free of charge, as a public service, to the first 1,ooo non-morons who order it. The Deluxe version will require photos an additional one hundred dollars, while the Super Deluxe Moronometer will require one hundred dollars and photos of the first ten morons tazed by our fine device.
Please Note: One might wonder why asshatery was not the benchmark rather than moronions. Griffin Industries is trying mightily to isolate asshattery from ordinary anal leakage, and while we hope to bring such a device to market someday, but as far as current technology allows, there is no telling asshattery from farts without actually interacting with asshats, something Griffin Industries, perforce, wishes to avoid.
The MORONOMETER measures the atmospheric changes in the amount of moronions in the immediate vicinity, rising as the stupid increases. Several alerts are available, ranging from the English as second language MacDonalds employee calling out that dinner is served to the shrieking of a porn star having their orifices delved into quite deeply.
The alert will sound when pre-set limits are exceeded in the hope of attracting the moron to the device and away from those who have work to do. It is therefore suggested that the Moronometer be placed away from the actual location where work is being done. Perhaps the hall, or even the middle of traffic.
Now, a word about tolerance levels: Each Moronometer has five independent levels that may be arbitrarily set by day, or if the owner prefers, even the hour, but only by such individuals previously cleared of moronitude. Each of these independent levels is fully adjustable and has up to ten settings, so each approved user can label and set their own tolerance level for moronic and sub-moronic behavior. These levels are clearly visible to those who deign to look at the device, in order that those intelligent enough to actually read the current atmospheric levels and related tolerance levels will have a chance to avoid pushing beyond into the realm of the drooling moron, and destroying everyone's chance at a moron-free day.
The deluxe version also comes equipped with a cattle-prod-grade shocking device to prevent tampering by morons who believe they can change things.
The Super-Deluxe Moronometer will taze anyone who, by their mere presence, increases the moronion level beyond the factory-set maximum level considered survivable by sensible people.
The Basic Moronometer will be offered free of charge, as a public service, to the first 1,ooo non-morons who order it. The Deluxe version will require photos an additional one hundred dollars, while the Super Deluxe Moronometer will require one hundred dollars and photos of the first ten morons tazed by our fine device.
Please Note: One might wonder why asshatery was not the benchmark rather than moronions. Griffin Industries is trying mightily to isolate asshattery from ordinary anal leakage, and while we hope to bring such a device to market someday, but as far as current technology allows, there is no telling asshattery from farts without actually interacting with asshats, something Griffin Industries, perforce, wishes to avoid.
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