Showing posts with label The Last Captain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Last Captain. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Cutting Room Floor

As my faithful few know, I am in the midst of a re-write on The Last Captain.  I am in the process of shrinking eight major POV characters down to three. That takes a lot of work, much of it feeling akin to sticking one's hand into a spinning bucket of razor blades.

Below is a section I cut in service to the story. Prometheus is one of my favorite characters, and this one of my favorite scenes. It just didn't work from any other perspective, and he does not serve the story as a POV character, at least not for this book.

Anyway, I had to let folk see what I cut. My ego is like that.

I hope you like:


Prometheus checked the lines of his suit as the limousine rolled toward the meet. The warehouse district wouldn’t have been his first choice for the transaction, but he was the outsider here, and had to accommodate his buyer to some degree.

The limo slowed to a walking pace and several men from his security detail hopped from the lead and chase cars.  They slowly rolled the last few meters to the meet, his hired men conducting a visual check of the area.  Some looked a little less than the professionals he would have preferred for such dealings, but bringing his personal vehicle and driver had been about all he could afford.

He sighed at this obvious sign that he was on his own.  The Syndicate wasn’t behind him on this one, leaving him feeling exposed. He understood why and was making moves to improve his situation, but things simply weren’t as easy since the War came to an end.  Too much talent trained to mayhem out there working for rival organizations and the authorities actually had time for cases involving base criminals instead of chasing The Perfected.  Peace made things harder, and more expensive.   The Syndicate had a history almost as long as the Imperium, and Prometheus believed it was tied too closely with that government to avoid the post-war pains they were suffering. He felt, deep in his old bones, that the Imperium was in the process of disintegrating under its own weight, the War accelerating the collapse.  The Syndicate was refusing to see it, and looked to go down with the ship.

Prometheus planned to carve out a spot for himself here beyond the core worlds.  Keeping his plans quiet from his rivals and cohorts in The Syndicate made it hard to complain to them about being out in the cold.  He’d paid for the trip and the goods with his own money.  Setting up shop had been expensive, but he now had a solid line into the Governor’s office. That had cost him, but after this sale he’d be able to afford some more tech-savvy guard services. Even if the buyer got stupid, there were others.  Finding them would slow Prometheus’ plans a bit, but wouldn’t put an end to them.  

The detail was pretty thorough, but without the technology to detect power sources for the more esoteric of the assassin’s weapons or even a sniper in concealment, it was down to the mark one eyeball and the unprofessional muscle he’d hired.  

Despite his assessment of the quality of his guards, Prometheus knew the motorcade made an impression on the buyer as they came to a stop in front of the warehouse.  The doors were open, but a local-built luxury off road vehicle blocked most of the entrance.  Gilles tried to look like the alpha lounging among his wolves, but only succeeded in looking like another mean mutt in a mangy pack of dogs. Gilles had obviously climbed from street-level talent. The local man’s lip curled in a sneer most likely meant to show his men contempt for the older man’s attention to security.  The four men with him were visibly armed and, in Prometheus’ experienced opinion, trying too hard to look dangerous.

Something troubled the old man as he put his hand to the limo door. Borges stopped and looked up at Gilles, then at the street. There was nothing but the sneer on Gilles’ face to indicate what he was thinking.  The street looked clean, but Prometheus hadn’t lived to his age by ignoring his intuition.  

Balanced against his need to make the sale, safety took a slight hit.  Extemporizing, he popped the door and waved Gilles over without getting out.

Prometheus waited for Gilles to decide whether he wanted to get into the car.  Greed was a bitch, and Gilles took only a beat or two to decide he wanted the goods.  He voted with his feet, walking forward.

“Have a seat, and we can get to it,” Prometheus said.

“What’s up, don’t wanna to get your pretty shoes dirty in the local mud?” Gilles asked, local accent softening the vowels.

Prometheus just stared.  

After a moment the local got into the limo.  Gilles wore some scent that made Prometheus’ nose twitch in irritation as the younger man sat.  Prometheus noted the local making a conscious effort to leave the door open.

“You have the money?” Prometheus asked.

Gilles hitched a thumb at the vehicle blocking the warehouse door, “I do.”

Trying not to sigh, Prometheus pulled the thin case from inside his vest, “Your product. Get your money over here and get your product.”

“Right,” Gilles got out and raised his hand.

The shielded window separating the back of the limo from the front was suddenly painted red with the driver’s blood and brains, the hardened material starring as the round finally stopped.  A heartbeat later Prometheus heard the shot through the open door.  He twitched, the complex muscle movement triggering a number of responses, both in his body and the cortex linked to the car.  Adrenaline made his mouth taste of iron and the world slowed down as store-bought nerves prepared for fight or flight.  Acting on his escape command, the open door of the limo tried to snap closed.  

Gilles didn’t do the smart thing, instead trying to hold the door open as the cortex began to maneuver the car away from the curb. More gunshots rang out, his security detail and the locals exchanging fire.  The hydraulic system for the door wasn’t quite powerful enough to close with Gilles’ bulk holding it open.  Pinned in the door, he started to shout as the vehicle began to drive off, whether in pain or fear, Prometheus didn’t care.  

Prometheus lowered himself below the window level as another penetrator round slammed through the driver’s compartment. Thankfully, the round slowed enough to become trapped in the clear armored partition again.  Several lighter rounds, fired by one side or another in the firefight, pattered against the armored skin of the passenger side near Gilles, failing to penetrate.

Gilles struggled to get in as Prometheus pulled an oddly-shaped pistol from a shoulder rig.  He armed and pointed it at Gilles just as the man maneuvered himself into the back seat. The weapon discharged with a Thup! of compressed air as the door snapped closed behind him.  Gilles shouted with more surprise than pain as the fat projectile thumped into his chest like a heavy punch.  The real pain came a second later when the round activated on contact with his body armor.  The catalysts carried in the round reacted with the polymer and ceramic matrix of the armor, the resulting heat of the reaction boring a fist-sized hole in the armor and a centimeters-deep crater in Gilles’ chest.  

Prometheus felt the heat across the passenger compartment as the local man slumped lifeless to the floor. Smoke curling from his mouth and chest.

The sniper hit the limo again as it rounded the corner.  This time the shot came through the rear driver’s side window shattered the partition and disappeared into the rich upholstery next to Gilles’ corpse.  Prometheus prayed the sniper kept trying for him instead of disabling the car.  Not that the in-wheel four motor design was easy to stop with a few shots, but it could be done.  The battery packs were fairly vulnerable.

Prometheus cursed as the sniper seemed to read his mind. The heavy vehicle juddered as a round entered the rear and interrupted some vital process.  

A second later an internal siren blatted, indicating a major system failure in the cortex driving the vehicle. More smoke, smelling of things that should not burn, belched from the vents. 

Bad sign. Prometheus thought, holstering the borer.

Thinking the sniper was more likely to shoot anyone coming out the driver’s side, Prometheus climbed around Gilles’ still-smoldering corpse and put his hand to the handle.  Thankfully, the cortex was still able to recognize his hand, and popped the door open.  The limo was slowing already, only making about thirty or forty kay.  Still fast enough to break bones or a skull and easily fast enough to stun and render him incapable of evading further.

Best make sure it isn’t my skull then, Prometheus thought.  

He singed his hands grabbing Gilles by the still-hot lapels of his armored jacket. With a powerful surge of the finest muscles money could buy, he heaved Gilles and himself out the door.  The corpse and the old man hit the pavement with a thud.  The ground snatched the corpse-sled from under Prometheus almost immediately, but not before the dead man absorbed a good deal of the force of the impact.  

The sky rolled into view, followed closely by the pavement, then the sky again. Prometheus sucked in a breath, regretted it as something in his chest complained. He got to one knee despite the pain, started to move.  More gunfire from around the corner, followed closely by the high whine of over-stressed motors.

The chase car from his security detail came into view, hurtling past the intersection to slam into the base of pillar supporting a billboard on the far corner of the intersection.

The pillar cracked off the base, coming to rest on its broken support a few meters from the base before slowly toppling forward. Prometheus saw a man toss a long rifle aside and scramble to jump from the falling billboard.   The billboard came down atop the sniper and the vehicle that had destroyed it, crushing the driver’s side and the sniper beneath.

One of Prometheus’ men exited the passenger side of the vehicle, raised his weapon and squeezed off a few rounds back toward the warehouse.  No return fire came his way as he cleared the rear of the vehicle and smoothly crossed to the far side of the street, weapon at high ready.

Prometheus pulled the borer again, watching closely. If Gilles’ men were down and the man had been truly stupid, or merely indecisive, the money might just be in the warehouse or in the big, flashy all terrain vehicle he’d come from. Besides, a ride would get him out of here faster.

Cautiously approaching the corner, Prometheus almost took a few rounds from his own hyper-alert guard.  The man’s lips moved in a silent curse before he returned his attention to the bullet-riddled vehicles and open warehouse doors.  

The security man finished slicing the pie, firing a quick flurry of shots into the warehouse from across the street.  Someone screamed and there was a clatter like a dropped weapon.

Slick. Professional. I take back what I was thinking about the locals, he thought as he watched the other man work, Now if I could just remember his name.

A siren could be heard in the distance as Prometheus’ man retreated behind one of the pillars of the overpass and re-loaded.  

Once the man, whose name would still not come to him, had his weapon up and trained on the door again, Prometheus began to advance.  Doing a little slicing of the pie himself, he moved counterclockwise and in so that he could reveal as much as possible of the warehouse interior and as little of himself to anyone inside before approaching.  It was a tricky maneuver since he didn’t want to cut off his man’s line of sight or make himself a target before he caught sight of any opposition.  He moved as smoothly and fast as possible, trying to remember everything he’d ever been taught way too long ago and still remain loose enough to respond accurately.

A few breathless moments later and he’d determined that there were no longer any live targets in the vehicles or warehouse.  

“Police coming.” 

Prometheus nearly jumped out of his skin as the man spoke.  He hadn’t even heard his approach. 

Recovering, he punched his chin at Gilles’ truck, “Let’s see if that abomination is working.”

“Yes, sir.”

Vytas!  Vytas is his fucking name, Prometheus finally recalled as the man hopped into the driver’s seat and started the truck. Armored, the big utility vehicle was relatively unmarked by the firefight, but loud as hell. Some kind of internal combustion engine and a modified exhaust combined to make the thing snort like a demon.

The limo would be hard to replace, but Prometheus was more than happy to have survived.  Tomorrow was another day, and another deal.  Given the quality of the victims, Prometheus even dared hope for a moment that law enforcement would write this one off without too much thought. 

Monday, June 20, 2011

Well Now, I'm All Fired Up!

Spoke to the friend who'd been reading The Last Captain. He had very valuable input, input I am putting into practice with a re-write.

I'm all fired up, and glad of the chance at fixing the problems of The Last Captain.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Black Dogs, Great Friends

You faithful few know I've had some bad news of late. Not terrible, world-ending, I cannot go on-type news, just bad. On getting such news in the past, I have been known to let the black dogs in, that I might wallow in my self-pity with them.

This time was different. I have some problems, sure, but I also have a great kid, solid marriage and a job. Many cannot say that. Many are dealing with the rending torture of lives truly gone sideways. I recognized my bad news for what it was: something to be dealt with and processed.

Besides, after complaining about how long it took for the dish to be served, I can't very well send it back for being undercooked, can I?

Helping me through all this was the fact I also had some friends really come through for me; some with inspiring words, others with favors that have confirmed what I have long thought to be true; you just can't get through the challenges of life alone.

Peter V Brett, on hearing of the rejection, said, "It isn't over until you quit."

How very, very true.

No quitting here. Not now. Not ever.

On with the show.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Sometimes....

Sometimes I feel more than a bit jaded, tired of the tawdry shit I see on a daily basis. It makes me angry, sometimes, makes me rant, a lot.

Due to last night's bad news and despite all the generous support I read from those that learned of it, this morning I was feeling more than a bit sorry for myself and ready to take it out on the world.

As my faithful few know, I ride a motorbike for my commute. I bulled that bike into traffic this morning, riding aggressively. Once into traffic I opened the throttle quite strongly, but ended up stopped at the light that always gets me. GRunting curses under my breath, I waited for the interminable light to change so I could get on to work.

As I pulled away, about 1/5 of a mile down the road, there was a man standing between sidewalk and curb, sign in hand.

Now usually I would think, "Fuckin' bum, angling for cash I don't have to pay for his dope habit," but this guy was nowhere near anywhere he might hit up stopped motorists for cash.

When I drew close enough to read his sign, it read simply, 'SMILE' in big red letters on a white background.

He wasn't dressed like a nut, he didn't act like one (aside from standing by the road early in the morning with a sign) and I don't choose to believe he was one.

Instead I think he was placed there, by whatever Power that places such events in our path, to send a message to me and any others that cared to look at 0712Hrs on Treat Ave in Concord, Ca.

The message I drew from it was this: Don't take it all so serious. Things could be much, much worse. Smile.

I smiled so wide it brought tears to my eyes.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Word

None.

Tomorrow, I hope.

Took the day off.

As I need diversion, Shogun 2 is looking real good right now.

Shogun 2

Not only am I to get word from the publisher today, Total War: SHOGUN 2 is on sale!

I am so excited, my face may melt off.

If you don't know, the Total War series has the absolute best offerings ever for military strategy games. Gorgeous graphics, incredibly accurate rendering of the soldiers, right down to the uniforms, all of it is damn fine stuff.

And if you don't know I write, what are you doing here?

Monday, March 14, 2011

New Week

Wondering what the week will bring. Tomorrow we are to have word on The Last Captain.

And a new concern: I signed up for World Fantasy Convention 2011 last year on the last day of WFC 2010. My name has not made the list of attending members, and the registrar has not responded to my emailed request for more information. I have also already made my reservation for the hotel, so the anger sharks, they are swimming.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

RE-Charge

Six days to word on The Last Captain, or so we were told.

I want to thank my UFGirlz; your encouragement has been constant, and greatly appreciated. One might think I was an Adonis with a nice personality, given the level of constant encouragement and attention I get from each of you (especially the one who isn't a UF-writer).

Thanks. Thanks very much.

I wanted to say something witty today, but I believe my heartfelt thanks more appropriate.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Wondering, Waiting, And Getting Old All Suck

Still I wait for word. Tomorrow marks the last two weeks of the countdown to the new date for word on The Last Captain. Last week I nearly lost it an jumped off a career ledge, I am so done with waiting.

And it's probably not the years, it's the milage, but my left thumb has started to ache abominably when in use. Not even heavy use, but light, like making an OK sign with the opposable digit, makes me wince and wish I had a new hand. Luckily, I can still hit the space key with it. Shifting on the bike is also not a big deal, so I wonder what it is that I did to it to make it punish me so.

As with most things, it isn't just one or even two things that wear on the soul, making me want to tear up and move on. Things are not so good right now. Not world-ending, but they could definitely be better. Couple that with my inability to ride a few days a week (I do cold, I do wet, I just don't do both together), and I am missing some of my stress release activities.

But when I get down like this, I get together with my friends, hold the Coolness, or make my daughter laugh till she can't draw breath, and start to feel better.

It is so very good to be loved. It is so very good to have places to put this pain.

If Laughter is King, my daughter's laughter is an Empress holding sway over all the heart's affairs, making all tolerable, setting the world to rights.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Staying Home

I am off for the next two days, unwilling to share either my good news or restrain my bad mood should the word I am hoping for prove negative. The wait is exhausting, and while I am writing slowly, it drags at me, not knowing, a funk I feel like a weight pulling me to earth.

So, off I go. More writing. More waiting.

Tomorrow, if I get no word, the Agent will call and find out why and I shall wait through that, as well.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Impatience

Anxiety over outcomes has suddenly started to drown everything else. I am short-tempered, foul-mouthed, and generally not pleasant to be around.

Then again, am I ever otherwise?

Monday, December 20, 2010

Ten Things I've Seen I Shall Never Be Rid Of

Yesterday's post, provoked by Scalzi, also sparked a quick correspondence between myself and a friend. This friend indicated they didn't think they could keep it positive enough to warrant doing it. I understood that, as several events I have witnessed sought to worm their way forward in yesterday's list. I didn't let them, not for that list, at any rate. It did get me thinking, though.

Some that have spoken with me in person might recall I a saying I have about Ocular Herpes. I don't mean, of course, to refer to a strain of real herpes that affects the eyes. No, what I refer to is the things one sees once and will never be rid of. Things that, when I close my eyes, return unbidden.

I am not trying to gross people out, or make them feel for me with this list. Indeed, most of what I have seen was much harder on the viewed than the viewer. All of them are a part of me now, and will remain so until memory fails. Most are not positive, or funny, but some sparked the gallows humor that is a survival mechanism for emergency workers, cops, and soldiers.

Baptiste, a character from my book, The Last Captain has a thought, 'Work Starfall, age in dog years.' That is a direct translation of my reality into my fiction; I have been heard to say, "Work the Mission, age in dog years."

Anyway, on with the list:

1) Responding to a call of an excessively loud party behind an apartment building. We are making our way through the top floor apartment when the officer in front of me walks through a beaded curtain and turns off his flashlight (the power was off in the apartment). He then starts to dance, chanting, "La cucaracha, la cucaracha," a pound and shuffle to his footwork like the best of a flamenco dancer. His partner clears the curtain, gasps, and laughs, shutting his light down as well. I entered, the carpet of the kitchen was alive. Cockroaches, millions of them, covered the floor, and hardly moved under the flashlight.

2) A pretty girl, breathing her last, the right half of her skull behind the forehead pressed upward from the bullet meant for her girlfriend's boyfriend, who had been flipping gang signs at the corner from the backseat of her car.

Blood has a distinct thickness, an aerated look when it passes through the skull and hair. The flashing lights of the emergency vehicles didn't help.

3) The entire front bumper of a minivan, perfectly balanced in the middle, hanging from a low, impossibly thin branch of a tree. The block looked like a bomb had gone off when the suspect, trying to escape police, hit the minivan (containing a newborn and his parents). The family was alright. The suspect too.

4) Smoke dribbling from the mouth and opened skull of a young moron who had been playing Russian roulette a few minutes prior. His blood and pulped brains literally dripped from the vaulted ceiling of the room.

5) A man who looked like Ichabod Crane, all fleshless limbs, running from me. He catches his foot on the chain meant to stop cars from entering the parking lot and flies through the air, arms windmilling, appearing to fall in slow motion.

"Oh, Shhiiiiiiiiitt!" he groaned as he fell to land on his chest and belly, knocking the remaining wind from him. I laughed so hard I had a hard time cuffing him.

6) A fat man trying to get home after being shot, dying on his neighbor's front stoop, asking everyone piteously why his mother wouldn't open the door when he knocked. He expired before his mother could be summoned.

7) An attractive young woman who'd run off the bus into traffic to catch the next one, her leg bent in too many places so that her ankle was next to her head, asking me, "Why can't I get up, officer?"

8) The end of a plastic bindle of dope poking from the anus of a very large Samoan. Him, naked, daring me to come get it. That fight was less than epic.

9) A twelve year old prostitute running to her pimp to escape us. Him trying to get away. Later finding the methamphetamine he was using to enslave her.

10) An elder suffering from dementia, her hair and pillow filthy, her indoor toilet unemptied, asking what she was to do, now we had removed her friends from the apartment. Her 'friends' were SureƱos, part of MS13, and had been doing drugs, eating her food, and practicing her signature in order to steal her identity. She was so confused that she did not recall being shot by the same gang ten years prior for being a witness against the gang and its depredations.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

A Fever In The Blood

Still wrestling with the nine hundred pound trucker of illness, and losing handily. Now we've added fever to the mix. I am not well. I am not happy. I want to be done with this fast so I can; write, enjoy my family, return to work, make pithy-if-unread statements about society and my place in it on the blog, and generally get on with things.

Some good news on The Last Captain: End of January for word, either negative with notes or "I need some more time to dig deeper."

We shall see. Meanwhile, I shall try and squirm out from under the beast that's beating me down...

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sent, My Thanks

Sent The Last Captain off. Now to obsess over what will happen with it.

In between bouts of sweat-soaked and tearful trepidation, I'll try and get on with writing the short story, Eyes of The Alley, as well as crank more pages on Bridge of The Broken and my quasi-daily rants here.

I want to thank everyone who read and followed my blog over the last year and a bit; your feedback and encouragement have been very helpful. I know the content has been uneven, even odd at times, but it has been a useful place to put my thoughts and comments on the general asshattery I see loose in the world.

Thanks for reading.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Things I've Been Told About The Last Captain

Things my first readers have told me, aside from the invaluable editorial assistance:

"Pretty cool."

"Ohhh, she's a cold one, isn't she?"

"I didn't know that was why officers did that."

"Damn, but I developed a cramp in my arm after I read that."

"It's clear you know what the fuck you're talking about."

"Those two sound an awful lot alike, but then they're partners, so I guess it flies."

"I keep thinking the partners are likely Laurel and Hardy, except the one is big and the other bigger, huh?"

"He's clearly a sociopath, but I can sooo see why, and as an added bonus, he's fuckin' awesome."

"When I finished it, I had to go back and read the first fifty pages and see what I missed! It's all there, you asshole!"

It feels rather amazing to know readers get what I'm putting down.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Damn, Shit Can Change When You Ain't Looking

As my earlier post indicated, I had a rather foul ass-lick of a working day. I came home, plugged my phone in and forgot about checking email for a while, concentrating on enjoying time spent with my daughter.

Isabelle and I watched Mythbusters (Repeating arrow launchers are freakin' cool). When the second episode started I fired up the laptop and checked email. There were eight fresh ones.

One was from my agent, advising me of the phone number of one of the two readers he'd given my MS to, and that he'd had positive feedback for me as well as finding some issues that needed clearing up. I called my agent and we discovered that we are still having email issues (I send them, he doesn't get them).

I then hung up, called his reader and left a message. I then checked the rest of the emails.

One was from a well-respected author friend of mine, introducing me to an editor working on an anthology. Totally unexpected. Totally appreciated. I shouted with glee and emailed back a thank you, already working some ideas over.

As I was writing the first few lines I got a call back from the reader, who gave me quite a bit to think on. At the end of the conversation he said two things that made my head explode in a supernova of pride, "I will buy your book when it comes out, and when will the next one be done? I want to read it before anyone else gets to."

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Hopes

Working on Bridge of The Broken while my agent's readers finish off The Last Captain. My enjoyment of the new is tempered by ever-present concern over what will happen, whether I met the bar with The Last Captain.

When I submitted A Friend to The Watch, my first novel, I was more excited than nervous, thinking I had conquered all. I tried to be clever about making my protagonists, members of the watch, act like modern police officers. I tried to be clever about a lot of things. In the end, I overestimated the quality of both my cleverness and my work. Needless to say, it didn't turn out; deservedly so.

It took me some time to recover from the failure of it.

An incident at WFC 2009 thrust home for me just how much I had invested in A Friend To The Watch working out for me. Like most useful lessons, it was painful.

That sharp lesson in mind, I at last acted on the sound advice of my agent, putting A Friend to The Watch away and concentrating on The Last Captain.

I threw the kitchen sink into it; many of the experiences I've had, more of the thoughts and feelings those experiences gave rise to, I put in. It wasn't easy, and like the lessons I spoke of, it was even a bit painful at times. In the end I produced something that certainly feels better, more true -something I hope will succeed where the first effort failed.

The wait will be all the more grinding for the hope I have in it.

I will write on.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

I Will Continue to Change... Transform, Even....

If the singer sounds familiar, it's because his solo work was posted here a few days back... If the production values or lyrics of Gnarls Barkley also sound familiar, that's because the guy on keyboards was also the producer for one of the fine albums the Gorillaz put out...



Editation on The Last Captain continues as I listen...



Saturday, October 16, 2010

Editations, Though Not On Last Night

Editing is like meditation for me: I try and keep my lips moving and my chants soft, so as to stay centered and not wake the anger...

The result, this time, is a quiet satisfaction.  The tale is pretty wild, and rendered in tight fashion.  Still some work to do to crank it as tight as possible, but damn, I like what has gone before.


On Last Night:

Dinner at ZarĆ© at The FLy Trap last night was some of the finest food I've had in SF, and the sausages were a perfect balance of spice, savory, and grease.  We had two plates, and I could have had them all to myself.  Exceptional. Truly. There were no losers among the dishes we had.  None. The Baclava was also outstanding.