Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Inner Gorilla

My inner gorilla was live and beating at the cage last night. Tormented by the actions of people who should know better, he reached long arms out and started rattling other people's cages:

"Shiit," says the clueless.

"Sir, you shouldn't be speaking, let alone cursing, in here."

Five minutes later, "Shiiiit."

Now he's just being an ass. "One more outburst, and you are done."

Three minutes later, "Man, shiiiit."

The inner gorilla yammers, barks, starts thundering at the cage. I hold the cage in place, but the cotter-pin keeping the gate closed is gleaming in my mind's eye, ready to lift. "Madame clerk, please give this man a continuance so that he might return when he is in a better position to adhere to the rules of the court."

Madame clerk, her gorilla rumbling as well, cranks the paperwork out, hands it off.

I give it to the cursing man, "You are to return on this date. Leave now."

"Man, fuck that! I need to talk to the judge."

I try to give him a glimpse of the gorilla. He refuses to meet my eye, "No, sir. You don't. You need to leave and return on the date given."

"I need to talk to the judge."

"No, you need to leave. Don't make me put hands on you. I really don't want to put my hands on you," I say, but really don't mean it. The cotter pin is now a hair's breadth from falling to earth.

"Fuck you," he mutters. But then he makes a mistake, he meets my eyes. The gorilla makes him shift in his seat, alarm dawning.

"Ladies, please step aside, as I believe I am going to have to remove this man from the room," I ask of the ladies waiting patiently in line to handle their business.

"Man, you ain't the judge," he says as he rises from his seat.

"No, I am not. As I said before, I'm just here to enforce the rules, not make the decisions. Don't make the decision that will make me put hands on you."

He walks from the room into the antechamber, "Man, fuck you. You just trying to be everything you ain't." Despite his words, my gorilla starts to subside. He's leaving.

"Your perceptions of my behavior have no bearing on my behavior, sir," I say as I follow him out. Got to be sure he leaves.

More muttered curses, but he leaves.

Five minutes later, he's back, "Man, I can't come in at this time."

"Then go down and reschedule. The courtesy of the court is reserved for those who can control themselves."

"Fuck you, you ain't the judge."

I am moving toward him, the line of ladies moving instinctively aside. They have no desire to be between my gorilla and it's target, "No sir, leave now."

He retreats, cursing me all the while, calling me racist.

Rather than hear it, I start to say, "Buh-bye." in a loud voice every time he opens his mouth and give him my best princess wave all the way to the elevator.

My gorilla mutters, snorts, scratches his ass and curls up till the next time.

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