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Last night an officer I have known for ten years took his own life. He was one of the officers that inspired The Meanie Twins from my unpublished novel, A Friend to The Watch.
His locker was next to mine at my current assignment, so he and I would interact on a weekly basis at least. Though we were not terribly close, I recently recognized his pain.
"You got somewhere to go with it?" I asked him.
"For what?" he asked me.
"To scream all that shit out. I like to climb up a nearby hill and wake the coyotes."
"Heh. I might,"he answered, putting his uniform on.
I went on about my business and he his.
I didn't do enough. I should have done more. We should all do more.
Shit.
It's so easy to get bogged down in "what ifs" but you can't let yourself feel guilty; that kind of guilt is way too huge and disproportionate to anyone's actual power to prevent another person taking their own life. I'm sorry to hear the news.
ReplyDeleteBrother I know what you're going thru. But you CANNOT what if this one as Rachel said. You were there, you opened a door, he needed to push it open but he closed it. It si not you're fault. Sadly, he won't be the last - wether by scumbag or self-inflicted... it's our business. This may sound crude and heartless but when it's your time to go it's your time. I'm sure he was good people - the demons just got to him.
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